Daily Confessions

Daily Confession (12/28)

Hello to all! I just wanted to say hi first and for most because I know I have been missing for most of this pandemic and I really did want to update you guys and let you guys know what was going on, but things became to much and so much has happened, but I am here to try to update you all on what has been going on in the shortest way possible. So first thing first, I am NOT dating anyone for once. I know some of my posts have been about some boys in question and to answer plain and simple none mentioned made the cut, but we won’t go there cause I could talk all day about that. In August I learned to drive, I mean like really got to practice and build that confidence up which was great. Sadly, Covid has all the DMVs shut down so I never officially got to get a license but whatever. At the beginning of December I was in a collision with an on duty police officer, but luckily after everything was explained and me keeping my temper in check, I was let off Scott free. I got no ticket, the car wasn’t impounded and most of all we were all perfectly fine. The next week my aunt also known as the woman who raised me, was diagnosed with stage 3 liver failure which hit all of us like a stack of bricks. That news made my anxiety flare up and really had me fucked up for a few days, I was just crying off and on and really just scared of how I will handle my aunt’s death when the time comes because she’s all I have left and I fear I really will become suicidal, so I am looking into therapy to help combat the negative feelings. Also, back in November right after my birthday my best friend decided to ghost me. Legit cut me off and to this day I have no idea why and I am still learning to be okay with it, but I think what really hurt the most is that he had gotten a bond with my daughter and she still does ask about him and I honestly don’t know what to tell her anymore. I was so hurt and really that is what kind of kicked off the hiatus I took. One good thing that came out of this though was finding a strength in me that I didn’t know I had. I won’t go into EVERYTHING, but lets just say there’s so much in between that has also added to my stress. It has been a journey and the amount of growing I have done emotionally and spiritually really is amazing anf I am so proud of how far I have come, sure I still have a ways to go before I can say I’m healed, but god damn am I proud. Point is though, you guys can see why I have been so absent. I did manage to graduate though and homeschooling my kid has definitely taught me more patience, something I have ALWAYS lacked…

I think it’s safe to say as a human we are always going to be tested and pushed in life. Like a phoenix, we are expected to rise from the ashes and build ourselves up into something new and stronger. 2020 has been a horrible year for a lot of people, I won’t sit here and act like woe is me, I know there are people who are worse off and I am thankful for all the shit I have gone through because I see so much more clear now (lost those rose colored lenses and can finally see the red flags) and going into the new year I am ready to move forward and handle whatever comes next without that extra baggage that was holding me down. For the new year I really do want to be more spiritual and in tune with my inner/higher self. I have been reading a lot on the subject and even more personalized readings and all I can say is I pray that these predictions are true. It says love and money are coming my way, and I know that sounds vague and corny. I know I am not going to become a billionaire, but I am hoping I can finally get a job and start moving forward with the future I want for my life. I also hope I find a better and more solid romantic connection, I know I shouldn’t be so concerned with that but after wasting six years on a clown, I’d really like to be treated well for once, I mean I am not getting any younger. This year after my breakup I was so hurt and lost I was just sleeping around and really not respecting myself. I wanted attention, I wanted to feel wanted even if it was just for a night. I wanted someone to see me, not just see me as someone’s mom. I was feeling this void, something was lacking and I really thought it was love. I think looking back now what I was missing though was my sense of self. I lost/gave up my own individual identity to become a mom and I was starting to resent my kid for that. Luckily I have been blessed with more free time and was able to find myself again and I can say I really did miss myself. I am fuckin awesome and such a vibe, I forgot how easy people gravitated to me, unfortunately though not everyone was good. I was trying to base my happiness off of someone rather than letting them add to it. Even now as the year closes I still feel like I need to learn to let go and not attach so easy. I know once I master that I will be golden. I just never have been able to find that balance, I am either in it all the way or just a straight savage and not saying sorry for the shit I did. As a water sign/ Scorpio I feel DEEP. Sometimes I feel like I will never find someone who can match my energy and that bums me out.

I met someone online who so far has been really good, but it’s not without it’s moments as well. He is so wise, so caring under all that tough exterior, but he also carries so much pain and hate. It breaks my heart because I see his potential and believe in him so much, but I don’t think he sees it fully yet and that’s okay. I have to learn to accept that and not try to fix him like I do with all broken people. That in itself is so hard though cause the mental connection is there and though we have yet to meet face to face, we really do vibe and I feel for him deep. I won’t say I’m in love with him because I don’t know him like that, but I think if he gave me the time of day it could happen. Despite all the hurt hes experienced I still see the good and my god I wish he could see himself through my eyes. I see a cute, loving yet stern guy who really can make a difference in this world. People like him are rare to find, and most of all he’s only 20. I know he has a lot to learn still and I can’t help him with that, but it’s amazing how much he already knows. I joke around and tell him he’s always teaching me things and I’m already 27, I should have more of a clue than him right? I don’t know, it’s scary cause it does feel to good to be true and maybe it is and if that’s the case I need to be okay with that too. I know he likes me and feels me on a deep level cause one, he actually opened up to me which he didn’t do for the longest and two he actually has moments during our deep talks where he does express how he feels and says sorry for not being as expressive but he trying and that in itself means so much to and reminds me of why I stick it out. So I am proud of how far we have come, the progress we have made in these 2 months. I just hope we do get to meet at least once and if the vibe is there…sheesh. That aside though I have also cut off all my old hoes. I legit changed my number Saturday because I was tired of the drama, tired of being so accessible to all the wrong people and so on. I can’t really help but wonder if any of those hoes have tried to hit me up and felt some type of way when they didn’t get a reply…Fuck it though right? Going into the new year Jenny and I have decided to journal and make goals. Some big, so more long term and some more minor ones that are quicker to attain and I must say I am motivated already. I have not had a friend this dedicated and close to me in a minute, I also love that even though we have a semi big age gap, shes still down. Shit she’s even more down than me half the time, I think that’s why we vibe so well because she can be fun and crazy but also rational and tough when needed. I can say that meeting her has been the best part of my 2020 by far. She really has saved me from myself and if it wasn’t for her I don’t think I would have lasted this far. We have had some crazy adventures already and I am honestly so excited to see what the new year will hold for us. She text me on Christmas to tell me how much I mean to her and how she wants to visit more countries with me which made me crack up. Long story short back in September when we first really hungout, we went to San Diego for the weekend (which was a shit show) and got really high to the point where we were convinced we were in another country. We were actually in downtown SD which has a old Spanish feel and I just remember we sat in the car freaking the fuck out for an hour trying to figure out how to drive from “Spain” to our hotel by the beach. I have a video of it and if I could I would upload it so you all could laugh at the foolery. We legit were high off those edibles for like 12 hours, it really was the scariest but best moment I had had in a long time.

Okay so now I am switching gears a bit and really shifting into what I am feeling right now so bare with me because it is kind of random and doesn’t really have to much to do with what I was talking about above. So right now I was sitting here cleaning up some pictures from my picture box when my daughter said something to me I have never heard her say, she stopped what she was doing, grabbed a picture of her dad and I kissing (from 2014) and said “I miss mommy and daddy together”. Hearing this broke my heart instantly because how do you explain to your kid that her dad is a piece of trash who chose hoes over his kid and baby mama? You don’t. All I can say to her is that things don’t always work out but that doesn’t mean we love her any less, just separately. She put the picture down and got sad, which in itself made me sad and I won’t lie I shed a few tears. Sometimes in moments like these I realize I am not over my ex as much as I pretend to be. I still miss the good times we had and most of all I miss the adventures we would have as a family. Bella used to love being in the car because she knew whenever her dad picked us up it meant that we were going out and doing something new. I had to remind myself though that the man I loved and knew doesn’t exist anymore and I think in some way never really did. He always made it a point to say that he was lying to me the whole time and that he never really loved me, so who knows. I think we did share love at one point but his affection died way before mine did that’s for sure. My breaking point was when he chose to spend his birthday with his girlfriend alone rather than with us his family. I was also the side hoe so I can’t say I was really shocked either I knew better, that man has always been selfish. Bottom line, whatever we had wasn’t real and lasted way longer than it should have, our daughter is the only good thing to come from that whole mess. The pain I feel with my self esteem is a reminder of why I will never take him back. I look back at our old pictures and I don’t recognize myself, it feels like I am looking at a stranger. I see the pain in my face and the lies behind every smile…Every night before she falls asleep with me I give her a hug and kiss and pray to the universe that my situation will clear up and I can finally get a job and work towards giving her the best life I can because she deserves that much. My next random thought is this wave of angst I have been feeling all day. I won’t lie this came on after my guy left me on read. Remember how I said he carries a lot of emotional baggage? Yeah he likes me a lot but he also isn’t big on being on his phone so he’s the type who can be okay just talking once a day or so. I am not, especially in these times when you can’t see anyone, I expect to be on my phone trying to stay in touch in any way I can because I do feel so strong about this connection , I don’t want to lose it. But then I stop and think, why am I trying so hard? Nothing should ever feel forced. He’s always saying he likes to go with the flow of things and doesn’t want to force anything so why can’t I do the same? Why does him leaving me on read give me anxiety? It shouldn’t, he’s not my man and we haven’t even met yet. It sent me into this thought that maybe I should distance myself and back off from everyone and if he wants me he will make an effort and try. I was thinking of deleting my snapchat and instagram for good and just living my life in private. However, we are in pandemic and the internet does help cure boredom sometimes so I am not one hundred percent sure I can commit to that yet, but I do wonder if I disappear more if he’ll even care, will anyone else? When I did deactivate my IG in November my real friends did notice and reach out which was nice. He did say once if I ghosted him he’d look for me so who knows, he can also be heartless so if he was hurt enough or mad enough I know he wouldn’t care anyways. Back to the point though, I just keep feeling this huge wave of annoyance and I don’t even really know why. I just know I really have the urge to disappear from everyone and reallt only appear once I have something accomplished. I really do want to make it a top goal to live my life more in private and not so much online because the truth is not everyone cares about your well being they just wanna be nosey for the sake of it. That’s also a downside to living in such a small town, everyone knows your business like you’re back in high school. The drama I was caught up in with my FWB was ridiculous, literally a he said she said thing and my god it reminded me why I stopped dating people in town because everyone has slept with each other. That was probably the main reason why I changed my number because I really liked this guy until I saw him in the DM’s of a friend. One night when I was with him, I tried to cuddle with him and he straight backed up which hurt. So I was in my feels and an old crush hit me up asking to spend the night and I went over just to see if I could maybe get over this guy by getting under someone else…Yeah that was a bust. It was so awkward and overall an awful experience. He was the final straw on why I wanted to change my number, cause I had found out the next day he was still in a relationship. The way both those situations played out pretty much sums up how dating went for me all of 2020. Nothing but bad sex and lack of commitment.

So there you have it readers. I know it isn’t formatted all nice and there’s actual curse words etc but I am to tired to care. I hope you guys enjoyed reading and catching up on the drama that is called my life. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been all bad, I mean I did get my eyebrows tattooed on which was a fun and cool experience. I actually became friends with my brow tech and still text her to this day, I am excited to see her next month for the touch up. However, It is 1 am and I am kinda tired so I am signing off! I value and appreciate every single one of you and I am happy that you all enjoy reading these messy posts cause I went from 3 followers to double digits in just weeks and that really does fuel me to keep writing, this is my passion. Hope you all had a great holiday and have an even greater week, I will make it a goal to post more in the new year! ❤

Daily Confession (6/25)

Hi everyone! I know it has been a while, again…but a lot has happened! Nothing serious, but I guess you can say I have a bit more of a social life now. I think the last post mentioned D a friend who was very interested in me. I think that was the main thing, but so much more has been going on. Not sure what is in the air, but suddenly all these guys are passing by and I am definitely noticing.

First up, Dominic or D as I referred to him. So after he professed his love to me I was into it. I was so smitten and felt like “okay, this is it. this is my chance to have it all with a guy I have had a crush on since the day we met”…Well I was wrong. We hung out on a Saturday and spent pretty much the whole day together and I even tried to spend the night. That didn’t work out though because he lives in an RV which was roomy, but the sleeping arrangements were not so much. At around 2 AM we decided that I should just go home. As soon as I go home though I had this wave of something unsettling. I couldn’t place what it was, but something just felt off. As the week went by Dominic and I still talked daily, but I noticed I found myself getting annoyed more as the days passed. Of course I did communicate this with him and we did our best to talk it out and see what the real issue was, and though we did solve the issue at hand in that moment I still felt uneasy. Fast forward to two weeks later and it was my aunt’s birthday. To celebrate she had decided to go down to her brother’s house which we did of course. We had a little thing for her with a cake and what not, but really it was just an excuse for us (the cousins) to drink and act up. So my cousin Lito invited a few friends over and of course at my request he invited over his friend that I have had a crush on for forever. We made a few beer runs and of course by the time everyone showed up I was hella gone but of course still cute duh! Anyways that whole time my cousin’s friend I were flirting hardcore, I guess everyone saw it because twice my cousin told me his friend was digging me and the best part? As we were leaving I guess the friend gave me an intense flirty look, which of course my drunk ass didn’t notice, but my aunt did bring it to my attention and I was so bummed cause I didn’t even get to give him a hug goodbye. Fortunately, I did tell my cousin and he sent me his Intagram info and we added each other. Sadly though our interactions haven’t gone further than that. I am supposed to see him forthe 4th of July, but who knows, my aunt wants to goto Vegas to visit her sons aka my favorite cousins so I hope we can go out there instead. I haven’t seen them in a long time and I have been dying to go down there.

This topic isn’t going to be very long as I feel I don’t want to expose our business to much and jinx it. Currently for the last few months I have been getting close to my friend R. We have been friends since 2006, but as we grew up we were always hanging out with a different group of people. He was the most popular guy at our schools and even after we graduated people still talk about him and have always kept him relevant. The cool thing about out friendship though is no matter what, no matter how much time has passed, when we see each other everything is normal, almost like nothing has ever happened. So as this pandemic hit, I would see his posts and reply here and there and most of the time he’d just like my message or reply once or twice and then stop. I think it’s safe to say though that I wore him down, because we are like the best of friends now. He came down last Friday and that was the first time I had seen him since like 2012 and it was nice to see him. The funny part is we talk on the phone daily for hours and if we aren’t on the phone we are texting or talking on IG. The way our relationship is…it’s like we’re in a relationship already, but there’s nothing sexual about it. He’s just my best friend and I am his. So when he posted me on his page for the first time that Friday, here came his fan club flocking over to my page. It felt weird to have so much attention especially from people I didn’t even know. Then the next day he posted a picture of him and my daughter and my god the fan base grew more! I had to put my page on private cause I got tired of bitches creepin. Bottom line I knew him posting us was a big step in our friendship because he is a private person and has NEVER posted a female on his page. When I found out he had been a relationship almost as long as mine I was blown away because he never posted anything that even hinted to that and now I know why because his fan club will be on it in 2 seconds. In conclusion, I have been having a great time hanging out with him and just enjoying having some what of a social life these last few weeks.

The last topic I wanna touch on is my ex. He messaged me last week all nice and when I questioned why is he being so nice to me, his response was that he wanted to fix things with me and try to co parent better. Overall he has been nice, but in honesty I don’t really trust him. I fell like he has some sort of hidden motive, he has never been the person to do things because it was right. He does things expecting things in return. I have so many things to say on this topic but I will bite my tongue and leave it with we just have to wait and see what comes next.

Thank you all! Hope everyone is staying safe during this crazy time. I look forward to interacting with you guys and giving you more to read.

Daily Confession (5/14)

What’s good my readers!!! It feels like a Friday huh? Or maybe it’s just me, but either way I am in a good mood and despite the universe throwing me a curve ball, I AM STILL GOOD! How are all of you? I hope everyone is well that’s for sure. But okay, back to this post!

So you ever have those life changing moments where your life is suddenly put into perspective and then you walk away a changed person? Or at least with more clarity? Yeah that’s what happened to me this last week. I had mentioned D in the last post I think about how he professed his love etc, but then that weird girl came in and fucked shit up…So moving forward I just had a real talk with him and told him yeah I like him, but I am not ready to really jump into anything just yet. I just wanted to take it slow and mainly focus on myself and building up who I am. After a lot of self reflection I realized I have so much to offer someone else and don’t need to settle and sleep around to fill a void. I need to be patient, focus on bettering my situation and then when I least expect it I’m sure someone great will come along, and if not? Who cares. My partner will have to ADD to my happiness, not be the source of it. I am still learning to keep my guard up a bit more and not be so trusting of everyone because let’s be real, not everyone has your best interest at heart. That’s the main issue when you have a big heart like me, you tend to try to see the good in everyone even when it isn’t there. I can’t tell you how many time that has gotten me hurt, I mean hence my last relationship lasting so long. I was always so desperate for love and to be accepted by someone that I didn’t care how bad they treated me. I am no psychologist, but I’m pretty sure that stems from my childhood and the lack of love and attention I got from both my parents. It’s crazy because I would always say how much I didn’t want to be like my own mom who hoed around, but here I am doing the same shit. I had to get it together, so after talking to D I felt better and realized it’ll be okay. It always is, something that is for certain is life will always go on with or without you, so we can either fight it and struggle or accept it and keep moving forward right? Moral of the story I am not chasing anyone or begging anyone to see my worth and stick around. I know who I am and though there is still plenty to work on, the progress I have made in this month alone is amazing. When I think about the overall progress I have made in the last 7 months with my ex and that whole messy situation I have to give myself more credit because it hasn’t been easy. Even now I see that my ex is struggling with my ever evolving self. Just Monday he was trying to harass me after HE specifically told me to leave him alone (I confronted him on being a bad dad last week) and he blocked me right after. So the fact that he had to go out of his way to text me 3 times before I told him to leave me alone, well it really set him off. He tried to fight with me and each time I just shut it down and said “Look you told me to never speak to you unless you had our daughter in your care and that’s what I’m doing”. I mean after all our daughter was with me so why does he think it’s okay to message me trying to tell me how to parent? I don’t do that when he has her, I only tell him something if he messages me first with an issue. I also got child support papers in the mail so the county is moving forward with the case since the courts are closed to the public right now. We still have to figure out visitation etc, but this is a step in the right direction.

I currently feel happier, lighter, a little more carefree and since I got my stimulus check finally I bought myself a few things. I never spend on myself out of fear of needing that money later, but I figured why not? I deserve it. I gave some money to my aunt to help out with bills, since she pays for 90% of the household and I’m blessed enough to not have to pay for anything besides my own personal bills which lets be real isn’t a lot. I feel a little guilty for spending so much on clothes but then again I know it’s cause they’re name brand and it’s also been like 3 years since I got new clothes. I usually hate online shopping and regular clothes shopping hence why I wear the same stuff. I also ordered some shoes too, because mine are falling apart and I figured it was time to upgrade. I’m so excited for my stuff to get here! I know they say money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely lighten a mood. I’m trying my hardest to not spend anymore, but I LOVE CLOTHES.

Anyways, I hope you all have a wonderful and light day! Keep your head up and just remember we’re all in this shitty lock down together. I appreciate each and every one of my readers and my next post will be more planned out I promise!

Daily Confession (5/8)

Hey eveyone! I know it has been a while since I last posted and I apologize for that, it’s been an interesting last week to say the least…So let’s get all you up to speed!

So about 2 weeks ago one of my best friends showed up out of no where. After the drama with T I was really down and just missing this particular friend and had been thinking about him since I saw him last in January. I was searching for him desperately, even messaging his mom and friends just to see if he was okay etc. Well go figure the week after things with T didn’t work out I got a message from a weird number and low and behold it was my friend! We ended up talking on the phone for a bit, but he did come down and see me shortly afterwards and all I can say was wow…Seeing him for the first time in almost 4 months felt amazing and he looked so different! D and I have always had a connection on a deeper level that we can’t explain. We have only been friends since Halloween 2018 but in that short time we grew a bond that I have never had with anyone else before. Sure I had a best friend, but I never opened up to her on this level like I did with D. I mean I never really believed in soul mates, but both D and I really feel like this is the closest we’ll get to it. The level of comfort and understanding we both have for each other is electric but calming all in one. So when we finally saw each other it was the best moment I have had in a long time, his embrace was so welcoming as well as comforting, he was even shaking a little because he was so nervous as well as happy. After our long embrace we sat down outside and just talked, caught up on the tea so to speak. I told him about how much I was hurt by the drama with T and how I really needed something to give me a sign to keep my head and poof there he was. We laughed and he shared his adventures with me, but the whole time he was talking I was just staring at him in amazement. He really is so attractive and now that he has gained some weight and muscle he was looking so fine…that aside though he was acting all shy and nervous so of course me being me I called him out on it and that’s when he admitted his love for me.

Now to clarify, we had always felt things for each other, that was no secret, but back in the day D was more of a player than me and a little more immature with how he dated etc so I never really stood a chance. We had slept together a few times but it was just a quick thing, nothing to fancy and really intimate and to be honest half those times he could barely get it up so it was kinda a bust. Anyways, that aside he admitted he missed me a lot, thought about me daily, but didn’t reach out because he knew that I deserved the best and where he was before wasn’t worth much so he decided to improve himself and then reach out when he was ready and in the position to be the man I needed. Hearing that meant so much to me and really won me over, because I have never had someone be so into me and have that pure of intentions. He admitted he has been into be since we met, which clearly I knew but liking someone and loving them is two different things. D was always slick about admitting how he felt, I was always into him, but when we would get to close or into unknown territory he would back up and always run off to chase some other girl, so the fact that he grew up a bit, admitted his feelings AND still wanted me after the shit we have been through? I was like okay sign me up, but well come back to this later. After out heart to heart he went home and I had a lot to think about.

This is where the story shifts though. He has a friend whose name I can’t pronounce so we’ll call her yaya for now. She is a weird girl from what he told me. She’s been in the picture since last year and is actually the reason why I ghosted D the first time in December when we tried to date. She is like 19 or 20, a heavily obese girl with serious self esteem issues. Now D knows this and decided to sleep with her because he felt bad and she had become his best friend when I ghosted him so I guess she told him she knew she wouldn’t get laid and if he could do the honors so he did. That alone made me like ehhh…no thanks, but then again I didn’t want to be rude and judgmental cause I get it, I mean we are all human and deserve to experience sex I guess? Anyways, here is where it gets weird, they were best friends, but he was ALWAYS talking shit on her. No joke he would always complain about how weird she was, she was obsessed with him and showing up unannounced to his place and staying the night even when he asked her to leave. She even offered him money to stay in her life etc…desperate much? So after we had our heart to heart I expressed to him that yaya was the reason I ghosted him. I just wasn’t okay with her inappropriate behavior and if he really wanted to date me then she needed to go because he had tried many times before to put her in her place and wither he was to nice about it or she didn’t care cause she was still all up on him and let me say it now, I am not ever competing with another female for a man’s attention. He understood and said he was looking for a reason to drop her anyways and that he would take care of it.

Here we are two weeks, almost 3 weeks later and this chick is still around. Every time he calls me he makes it a point to tell me he talked to her and how she was upset and didn’t like me etc, but that he was happy he told her about me and that should make her back off because he was also distancing himself from her as well. So last night, he called me and I have been getting annoyed about this whole thing because at this point I’m like really why are you mentioning her again? If she is still around at this point then one of you isn’t getting the full context and it makes me want to be distant and back off. This female is irrelevant to me and doesn’t need to be in EVERY conversation we have. I think he could tell I was being short with him cause he finally asked what was wrong and I told him exactly that and then some. I said I really don’t like that she is in all our convos at one point or another, I also don’t like that it’s taking so long to kick her to the curb and now he’s making comments saying she and I are annoying for having beef and putting him in the middle. He kinda stayed quite and then said he chooses me and that when I said what I said it made him feel confused and like I didn’t care… and to be honest I’m starting not to. I hate feeling like I am in competition with this clown ass bitch. Obviously he’s lying to one of us cause she’s still around but yet he’s telling me he’s being mean to her trying to ghost her etc but shes still around and trying to make moves on him so what else am I supposed to think/feel? The more we talk and try to figure this out the more I feel like this is a bad idea and this girl is already is a big red flag. I also expressed to him I feel confused and annoyed to because I don’t want to be that controlling partner who tells her man who he can and can’t see, because in my last relationship I did that and it blew up in my face, he still saw and did what he wanted behind my back and I looked dumb. At the same time if I don’t express how I feel, who knows what this man will let slide when it comes to this chick and I can just see something happening and him making excuses as to why it wasn’t his fault and I don’t want to ever be in that situation again. Lastly, he has always had this idea that he wants to travel the world in his RV and I just see that as idiotic. I mean I have a kid and I will not be moving around state to state every few months, I need stability and I like structure. Not to mention he has never worked so I have no idea how he plans to fund this trip, when he talks he sounds very delusional and ill equipped to pull this off. So my frustration with D has been at an all time high these last few days. Oh and i forgot to mention he wants kids like ASAP, but again I asked well how can you support them if you have nothing to your name? If I’m going to be stuck raising kids by myself (like I am now) what purpose do you serve? Am I supposed to hold it down here while you travel and do what you want? I think not.

So what do you guys think? Cause honestly at this point I am over it and really getting over this whole dating thing. Like when I think about all the guys in my inbox, no one really stands out that I want to commit to. The thing with T really made me see shit clear. My conclusion is I’m just not ready to date anyone fully yet. As much as I want it, there’s no one I feel is worth it right now and I want to keep talking to people and having fun. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am finally finding myself again. I am able to be seen more as an individual person as opposed to being seen as just a mom, because there is so much more to me than that. Being a mom is my passion, but it is only a fraction of who I am. Underneath that I am a dope person. I vibe with almost everyone and I am super social if given the chance. Right now I just want to focus on building a social life and making memories with the people closest to me right now. If I happen to meet someone great, if not okay who cares I am 26! I have some time to meet someone and settle down.

as always thank you guys for reading and let me know what you think! Am I over reacting? Am I justified? Is any of this weird?! Sending love to all of you and look forward to the feedback!!