Hey eveyone! I know it has been a while since I last posted and I apologize for that, it’s been an interesting last week to say the least…So let’s get all you up to speed!
So about 2 weeks ago one of my best friends showed up out of no where. After the drama with T I was really down and just missing this particular friend and had been thinking about him since I saw him last in January. I was searching for him desperately, even messaging his mom and friends just to see if he was okay etc. Well go figure the week after things with T didn’t work out I got a message from a weird number and low and behold it was my friend! We ended up talking on the phone for a bit, but he did come down and see me shortly afterwards and all I can say was wow…Seeing him for the first time in almost 4 months felt amazing and he looked so different! D and I have always had a connection on a deeper level that we can’t explain. We have only been friends since Halloween 2018 but in that short time we grew a bond that I have never had with anyone else before. Sure I had a best friend, but I never opened up to her on this level like I did with D. I mean I never really believed in soul mates, but both D and I really feel like this is the closest we’ll get to it. The level of comfort and understanding we both have for each other is electric but calming all in one. So when we finally saw each other it was the best moment I have had in a long time, his embrace was so welcoming as well as comforting, he was even shaking a little because he was so nervous as well as happy. After our long embrace we sat down outside and just talked, caught up on the tea so to speak. I told him about how much I was hurt by the drama with T and how I really needed something to give me a sign to keep my head and poof there he was. We laughed and he shared his adventures with me, but the whole time he was talking I was just staring at him in amazement. He really is so attractive and now that he has gained some weight and muscle he was looking so fine…that aside though he was acting all shy and nervous so of course me being me I called him out on it and that’s when he admitted his love for me.
Now to clarify, we had always felt things for each other, that was no secret, but back in the day D was more of a player than me and a little more immature with how he dated etc so I never really stood a chance. We had slept together a few times but it was just a quick thing, nothing to fancy and really intimate and to be honest half those times he could barely get it up so it was kinda a bust. Anyways, that aside he admitted he missed me a lot, thought about me daily, but didn’t reach out because he knew that I deserved the best and where he was before wasn’t worth much so he decided to improve himself and then reach out when he was ready and in the position to be the man I needed. Hearing that meant so much to me and really won me over, because I have never had someone be so into me and have that pure of intentions. He admitted he has been into be since we met, which clearly I knew but liking someone and loving them is two different things. D was always slick about admitting how he felt, I was always into him, but when we would get to close or into unknown territory he would back up and always run off to chase some other girl, so the fact that he grew up a bit, admitted his feelings AND still wanted me after the shit we have been through? I was like okay sign me up, but well come back to this later. After out heart to heart he went home and I had a lot to think about.
This is where the story shifts though. He has a friend whose name I can’t pronounce so we’ll call her yaya for now. She is a weird girl from what he told me. She’s been in the picture since last year and is actually the reason why I ghosted D the first time in December when we tried to date. She is like 19 or 20, a heavily obese girl with serious self esteem issues. Now D knows this and decided to sleep with her because he felt bad and she had become his best friend when I ghosted him so I guess she told him she knew she wouldn’t get laid and if he could do the honors so he did. That alone made me like ehhh…no thanks, but then again I didn’t want to be rude and judgmental cause I get it, I mean we are all human and deserve to experience sex I guess? Anyways, here is where it gets weird, they were best friends, but he was ALWAYS talking shit on her. No joke he would always complain about how weird she was, she was obsessed with him and showing up unannounced to his place and staying the night even when he asked her to leave. She even offered him money to stay in her life etc…desperate much? So after we had our heart to heart I expressed to him that yaya was the reason I ghosted him. I just wasn’t okay with her inappropriate behavior and if he really wanted to date me then she needed to go because he had tried many times before to put her in her place and wither he was to nice about it or she didn’t care cause she was still all up on him and let me say it now, I am not ever competing with another female for a man’s attention. He understood and said he was looking for a reason to drop her anyways and that he would take care of it.
Here we are two weeks, almost 3 weeks later and this chick is still around. Every time he calls me he makes it a point to tell me he talked to her and how she was upset and didn’t like me etc, but that he was happy he told her about me and that should make her back off because he was also distancing himself from her as well. So last night, he called me and I have been getting annoyed about this whole thing because at this point I’m like really why are you mentioning her again? If she is still around at this point then one of you isn’t getting the full context and it makes me want to be distant and back off. This female is irrelevant to me and doesn’t need to be in EVERY conversation we have. I think he could tell I was being short with him cause he finally asked what was wrong and I told him exactly that and then some. I said I really don’t like that she is in all our convos at one point or another, I also don’t like that it’s taking so long to kick her to the curb and now he’s making comments saying she and I are annoying for having beef and putting him in the middle. He kinda stayed quite and then said he chooses me and that when I said what I said it made him feel confused and like I didn’t care… and to be honest I’m starting not to. I hate feeling like I am in competition with this clown ass bitch. Obviously he’s lying to one of us cause she’s still around but yet he’s telling me he’s being mean to her trying to ghost her etc but shes still around and trying to make moves on him so what else am I supposed to think/feel? The more we talk and try to figure this out the more I feel like this is a bad idea and this girl is already is a big red flag. I also expressed to him I feel confused and annoyed to because I don’t want to be that controlling partner who tells her man who he can and can’t see, because in my last relationship I did that and it blew up in my face, he still saw and did what he wanted behind my back and I looked dumb. At the same time if I don’t express how I feel, who knows what this man will let slide when it comes to this chick and I can just see something happening and him making excuses as to why it wasn’t his fault and I don’t want to ever be in that situation again. Lastly, he has always had this idea that he wants to travel the world in his RV and I just see that as idiotic. I mean I have a kid and I will not be moving around state to state every few months, I need stability and I like structure. Not to mention he has never worked so I have no idea how he plans to fund this trip, when he talks he sounds very delusional and ill equipped to pull this off. So my frustration with D has been at an all time high these last few days. Oh and i forgot to mention he wants kids like ASAP, but again I asked well how can you support them if you have nothing to your name? If I’m going to be stuck raising kids by myself (like I am now) what purpose do you serve? Am I supposed to hold it down here while you travel and do what you want? I think not.
So what do you guys think? Cause honestly at this point I am over it and really getting over this whole dating thing. Like when I think about all the guys in my inbox, no one really stands out that I want to commit to. The thing with T really made me see shit clear. My conclusion is I’m just not ready to date anyone fully yet. As much as I want it, there’s no one I feel is worth it right now and I want to keep talking to people and having fun. I feel like for the first time in a long time I am finally finding myself again. I am able to be seen more as an individual person as opposed to being seen as just a mom, because there is so much more to me than that. Being a mom is my passion, but it is only a fraction of who I am. Underneath that I am a dope person. I vibe with almost everyone and I am super social if given the chance. Right now I just want to focus on building a social life and making memories with the people closest to me right now. If I happen to meet someone great, if not okay who cares I am 26! I have some time to meet someone and settle down.
as always thank you guys for reading and let me know what you think! Am I over reacting? Am I justified? Is any of this weird?! Sending love to all of you and look forward to the feedback!!
Daily Confessions 