Welcome! The first thing I want to say is I have no idea why my blog name has the words “fitness” and “healthy” in it…The title of this post actually comes from my first tattoo. I have these four words tattooed down my spine in kanji, I feel like at this point in time I really understand the real meaning of those four words. That aside though I wanted to take a little bit to introduce myself and explain my vision for this blog, how I came to be today of sorts.
For starters, my name is Elisabeth, but you can call me E for short, no not related to drugs, I just hate my name and it’s long. I am a twenty six year old single mother to one. My daughter is my life, literally. She is about to be five next month and she is on the autism spectrum (mildly). I currently am in the middle of an ugly custody battle with my daughter’s father, so due to the lack of help and support on his end, I am stuck being a stay at home mom full time. However, it isn’t all bad, I did go back to school online and I am pleased to say I graduate in March with a certificate in Medical billing and Coding! Some quick background on me, I have been to school for many things, but due to not being able to drive I always had to depend on my ex for rides etc and once we broke up he cut me off so I had to drop out and start over again, but this time on my own 100%. I have a pretty good background in the medical field (I love the field) as I have been to school for ultrasound, Surgical Technology and now Billing and Coding. I currently live at home with my aunt and my uncle who have been raising me since 2005, and we reside in a small town in Southern California.
My main goal for this blog is to share my journey of self discovery. As stated before, I am in a messy custody battle and deeper than that I am also learning how to cope with the breakup, my first REAL heartbreak. My relationship with my ex was very abusive, and I can admit that finally. So, because of that I am literally trying to re building myself from the ground up and trying to find myself again. I’ll admit it’s been very hard, I have shed numerous tears, had many sleepless nights and A LOT of anxiety attacks, but that aside, I am still doing well and I am very proud of myself, I never thought I would see the light in the darkness I was in. I used to regret my part in this breakup, but now that we are a few months in I can say with confidence that I don’t regret it one bit, if anything my only regret is not doing it sooner.
The number one question I get is “If he was so awful, why did you stay?” and my response? In short, I wanted to keep my family together. I wanted to be able to tell my kid I did EVERYTHING in my power to keep her father around, but at some point love isn’t enough and sometimes things just aren’t meant to be. You all have to understand that this man was my everything for the past 6 years, literally. When we met I wasn’t in a good place, I was suicidal (at 19) and anxious and fresh out of high school, clueless to real life. He helped me navigate and heal, he was there for me when no one, not even my own family was. He took care of me and treated me like a queen for the first year of our relationship, which is when we decided to have a child together. He was also my first real relationship so I had no clue what to do or what to expect, I thought I had it all figured out. Looking back now I see clear as day I was smoking to much weed cause GOD DAMN was I stupid. As time went on though and I started to see who he really was, it was obvious this relationship wasn’t going to last much longer, but still I held on and gave it my all until I was just a shell of my former self. I was also scared. Scared to be alone, scared to admit that everyone was right about this guy and scared of what he’d do if I tried to leave. Now I must state that the abuse was NEVER physical, just emotional and mental. Now I know what some of you must be thinking, “you let his words hurt you THAT much?” and the answer is yes. Whenever we fought or when I confronted him on his cheating he would play mind games. He would take advantage of my mental vulnerability and turn it around on me somehow. He was cheating, but somehow it was my fault because I wasn’t trusting anymore, or my favorite, because I got fat after having our daughter. When you’re already mentally unstable and you hear these awful things almost daily from the “love of your life”, it will start to eat at you until it’s all you can think about and see. Luckily by year 4 I was already becoming pro at dodging his insults and told him whatever he wanted to hear to avoid a fight. I gave in and gave him whatever he wanted, because it was easier than sitting down and trying to communicate with him because let’s be real he had the emotional range of a grilled cheese and then when he heard something negative about himself he’d shut down and have a tantrum.
Needless to say, it was a utter shit show 24/7 and in September 2019 I got fed up and ended it for good. Now let me tell ya’ll he did have a girlfriend. We TECHNICALLY broke up in early 2018 (May), but got back together after like a week and then in October 2018 we broke up again and in January 2019 he got a new girlfriend. Fast forward to March 2019 we started messing around again after I found out he cheated on his girlfriend with the SAME girl he cheated on me with when we were still together. We were never officially together, but let’s be real we were still doing EVERYTHING the same as before, the only difference is he now split his time between me and his new girlfriend. In late September 2019 I got fed up and made him choose, me or her and guess who he chose…So I lost it and ended up texting his girlfriend proof of him cheating etc and guess what? She didn’t believe me and of course he had talked his way out of whatever I sent. After a few days of endless crying and useless back and forth, I got my ass up, went to the courthouse with my best friend, filed for custody and there’s been no looking back since!
So there you have it, a relatively short summary of me and where I’m at in my life currently. I apologize it’s all over and maybe confusing, but I promise as I got on and tell more parts of the story in depth I will clear up and answer any questions you all may have. I’ve been typing this off and on for like 2 hours so I’m tired and calling it a night soon. If you read this all thank you and I promise, next post I’ll be more witty and entertaining! Stay tuned and I appreciate all of you.
Daily Confessions 