Hey everyone welcome back! So I know some of you want to know what happened and well I will try to keep it short and simple, but honest. It went AMAZING, there was a little bit of awkwardness on my end in the beginning only because I am super socially awkward especially when it comes to new people, but once that wore off everything went better than I could have imagined. He definitely was not what I expected, because of his social media kind of portrays him as a fuck boy, but he didn’t have that with me, he was real and super affectionate which I missed and it reminded me of how much I deserved that. I’ll admit I was super caught off guard at first when he was acting like that because ad I have said I am not used to it, though I have been missing that for some years now I just couldn’t believe it was happening with a guy this attractive and one I had just met. He was only over for a little bit, but the time we shared together was awesome and I look forward to the next encounter.
The whole overall aspect really showed me that I did and do deserve better than my ex. I was sitting here after he left thinking like “Wow this is how a relationship should be, affection and being totally comfortable with each other”. I can’t believe I ever allowed my ex to act the way he did. I used to beg for his attention and love and he wouldn’t even give me the bare minimum and I would still be blind and say I was okay with that, and after today I just cringe at how stupid I was for letting him take advantage of me and treating me the way he did even in public. Even as his girlfriend he was still scared to show affection in public and I eventually grew to think this was normal and being with T today showed me that it wasn’t. He wasn’t embarrassed of me, in fact he was all over me and had to ask ME if I was embarassed cause I wasn’t showing the affection back. Of course I had to explain that I was into him and happy, but I just wasn’t used to that level of affection and he was kind about it and understood.
I have to say that so far things are pretty good, I know he has some feels cause it was pretty obvious and he even accidentally said he loved me. I know he didn’t mean it like that, he was trying to say he loved spending time with me. We are currently texting and I told him how much I did like him but I was scared because I fall fast and I know this is all new and it’s so silly to say anything like that but I am happy and I just don’t want it to end. He agreed to take it slow, that he does like me and that he had a lot of fun today and was sorry for being all over me but that he was just super excited to see me. I told him thank you for being so patient and kind and that I promise I will be better with accepting that affection. I also had to throw in that his reassurance helped ease my mind cause though he is awesome so far he does text kinda vague so sometimes he says stuff that makes me wonder and then being me I get in my head and start over analyzing things and ruining my mood with shit that hasn’t even happened. I don’t know why I do that, it’s really annoying because the anxiety gets to me to where I can’t even eat or sleep cause I am so lost in my thoughts going over everything. You know that saying “Do not stress what you can’t control”? Yeah I do exactly that and I know I shouldn’t but I just cant stop. I know I would be happier and life would be easier to just let all that go, but seriously for the life of me I just can’t. I am so god damn scared of getting hurt again so I shut down but at the same time I want a love so deep and intense. Regardless of that, I’ll end this on a good note. The hard part is over, we met, he saw me naked and best of all he still likes me. Now all I can do is try to relax and take it slow. He seems like a decent guy so far so let’s see if this works out! Until next time…thank you for reading and I appreciate the love!
Daily Confessions 